Reviews

1986 Players Software (UK)
by Ste Cork, Sam Garforth and ROB

Cagara was one of the most infamous games in my youth. Basically for all the wrong reasons. First of all, Cagará means in portuguese "will shit" (past tense of the verb 'cagar'= to shit), so you must imagine how many uncontrolled laughs that brings to 12 year old kids.
Second, the game looks stupid and plays stupid. Why control a ball in a "human" looking environment, what's up with that? Oh, he is a man cursed and transformed into a crystal sphere, good excuse for being lazy. And what's with our side kick, the hamster? He is just another object you pick up and use. Come on...
And why just one life in such a big maze with such unfair enemies which move twice the speed?? Why? Why? Why??

Just one more question:

Where's the reset button!!!?

This sort of simple and basic video-games made me fall in love with the Spectrum back in the early 80´s .

Cagara -this sounds so ugly in Spanish : "cagar" means "to shit"- may not be the 7th wonder but it still retains some of the old flavour of the Spectrum arcana , this is enough for me .

You play the role of a bouncing ball ricocheting everywhere and getting lost inside a jungle-like labyrinth , all this features make this game quite unique in spite of its bad-sounding name and bad press .

At the dawn of time, as the world cries tears, so man doth undergoe, the ordeal of spheres. Crystalline bright, purest white, the globe it doth decree, that all the demons, the watchers of night, the Beast hath set them free.......Welcome to the world of CaGara...Man have you ever read such a nonsensical intro in all your life...well this sets the tone for Cagara...or CaGara I think that should be.

Now for the record I’ve always kept my "reviews" clean unlike my "other" residence where I’m rather prone to using rude words which is inane but so what you only live once don’t you, but two people have gone and done it so I’m following suit…not for an ego boost but because this game makes it necessary...for Cagara means "to shit" or "he will shit"...basically setting the tone that this will be "shit"...and your in luck because it is.

Basically you are a ball, or sphere presumably, and you wonder around in a maze like environment in search of the magic chalice...one problem though, in that you only have one life...I mean you are a ball and there are presumably monsters out there, there’s practically no contest! I mean when I reached a particular maze something flew towards me and killed me...how do you avoid that? You’re a ball with no defence, it’s not like you can fight back or anything? Well I presume there’s weapon items you pick up later in the game but what??

This is just practically an unplayable mess with nothing going for it. There’s only one thing to say about Cagara...translate it and you’ll get that answer.

The previous reviews from The Dean of Games and Raphie were hilarious and yes they served as warning shots for this game. Unlike them I won't use the word they mention which Cagara translates to as I didn't think you could swear in these reviews and I'm not going to start just because this one game which not only translates to it but practically is that very word. How do you avoid getting killed? What are you supposed to be doing? Out of all the games I've reviewed thus far this is by far the worst.

by Ste L. Cork, Sam Garforth, ROB

The word "Cagara" sounds very similar to an italian verb which vulgarly designates the act of defecating.
Which makes it a really suitable title for this game.

1,5/5

There isn't much I can say here that hasn't been said already. Everything is bad, the gameplay, the plot, the design. everything is just, well shit going by the previous reviews. Poor Ste Cork, he wrote Canyon Warrior, he wrote Rescue and he also wrote this, can't win em all eh?