Reviews

Highly eccentric graphical arcade game from "THORN-EMI computer software" where you play a patient trying to escape from a hospital.

The intro text sets the tone in a hilarious manner as it claims St. Crippens is a really bad hospital. You know this because you used to work as a porter there and realised just how bad it was, so you had to get out. Sounds exactly like the sort of gossip that people come out with all of the time!

Indeed the hospital is bad, as nurses will injure you upon contact (which would not normally be considered a good standard of care) and there's also some sort of on-site highly dubious experimental genetic engineering lab.

Worth playing just to see something a bit different, although personally I find the controls a bit awkward.

1985 Sparklers (UK)
by D. Bowler

This is one of those games that excites everyone with its initial unusualness.
The graphical style, humour and overall plot is one of a kind. And you certainly can't deny a smile to it.
But it's not as playable as other novelties like Trashman or Skool Daze. The bad collision detection and general awkwardness in moving around makes it a bit painful to play.
Good for a few laughs, not the best to play seriously.
I checked the internet for a real St. Crippens hospital and thankfully it doesn't exist any (of course!!).

This is a weird game , mainly for its morbidity but not only .

Hospital games aren´t very abundant so I don´t know how to compare this ... St Crippens is like no other game I´ve seen before.

I just don´t know what you are supposed to do in this bizarre/grotesque maze . I really don´t ... and that´s why I cannot enjoy it to the full .

I like the graphs though . the ambient is kinda cool . 2,5 / 5 .

The sad truth, for anyone with a nurse/uniform fantasy is that there are as many dragons on the wards as bra-busting cuties. At repugnant hospital St Crippens there are only the vicious types who prefer to make you sicker rather than let you off the ward without permission.
St Crippens is an eccentric gem of a game that shines not because it is especially playable but because of the Carry On humour. Played like, and resembling New Generation's Escape, only with several mazy screens to negotiate and a much more ramdon and unpredictable enemy AI, you have to out fox the pack of angry nurses and genetic mutants whilst gathering the patients' requests for contraband goods to exchange for clothes. When you are dressed properly, you can leave.
You'll also need to avoid slipping on bedpans or other hazards including the grim mould in the kitchen or even stepping in front of the TV in the lounge (the inmates get irate).
Stick man animation is made funnier as you get more and more ill. At first you limp, then it is crutches as you hobble about the wards swapping cigarettes for underpants and beer for socks.
In typical Spectrum budget tradition, bad controls make the job much harder and avoiding the nurses, who don't need to actually reach you to give you a dose, makes the chance of getting far into the game all but impossible.

The plot is an amusing one, the game though is unimpressive. The controls are a nightmare and moving your man to avoid the hazards in the game is much harder than it ought to be. The humour is there, it's just a pity there isn't much of a game to go with it.